Livestock jokes
Where do sheep go to shop?
Woolmart.
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed? High steaks gambling.
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"
What do you call a cow with no legs?
A cow with no legs.
What did the cow say to the prostitute?
Moo.
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
Mooooooo my secret is that it's pasture bedtime, but not pasture bedtime!
Stupid cow.
A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
Why did the chicken cross the road, when it should stay on a farm?
Why can you never find a virgin cow on a field with no bulls for miles? Just ask the redneck farmer.
Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
What’s another name for a cow?
You... cause you're fat.
What did the cow say to its udders? "Hi."
Why did the cow not want to talk to the other cow? Because they had beef with each other.
A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?
Yu.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? De-calf-inated.