Livestock

Livestock Jokes

Rooster

What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?

"No, you ate my cock!"

Cow

What do you call a legless cow?

Handicapped and stupid and monke and food.

Cow

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

Farmer

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

Ass

I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!

Cow

What's a cow's strongest part of their body?

Their "calves"!

Farmer

As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.

Sheep

How do you f**k a sheep?

Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.

Friend

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.

Milk

I had a calf for a while. The milk was bad until we bought a heifer.

Cow

What's the difference between your mom and a fat female cow...

A female cow doesn't have a dick.

Cow

What is the difference between a cow and a chicken?

It's white and it's brown.