Livestock jokes
What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?
"No, you ate my cock!"
Who did the cow want to hang with?
The udders.
Where do you buy cows in bulk?
At the stock market.
What do you call a legless cow?
Handicapped and stupid and monke and food.
Like if you blow male cows?
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
What did the cow say to its udders? "Hi."
What do you call a sleeping cow?
Ground beef.
What does a cow say? Moo.
What do you call a scared cow?
A COW-ard.
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
What's a cow's strongest part of their body?
Their "calves"!
As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.
How do you f**k a sheep?
Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
I had a calf for a while. The milk was bad until we bought a heifer.
What's the difference between your mom and a fat female cow...
A female cow doesn't have a dick.
What is the difference between a cow and a chicken?
It's white and it's brown.
What do you call a herd of winning cows?
A topside.