"I spy with my little eye..."
- Noting I am blind -
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."
What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?
They're both filled with happy little accidents.
What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Most women are like the Twin Towers.
It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.
i kicked the shit out of little johnny
I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
I got kicked outta the poker game.
They said I was a little cheetah.
"Is that a quirked-up white boi with a little bit of swag, busting it down sexual style?
Is HE goated with the sauce?"
Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!
So, little Johnny is walking down the street and asks a stranger, "Sir, what are hormones?"
Then the man replies, "The moans of a fucking whore!"
When I was a little boy I had this dream I was eating a giant marshmallow
When I woke I was being sexually abused
Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
