Literal jokes
If you think about it, the 9/11 memorial is literally just a scoreboard.
Why are these jokes bad?
They're literally the worst jokes ever.
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.
Memes
For Da Boys
Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?
Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
What did the rapper say when he broke his mic?
"Looks like I dropped the mic... literally!"
Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.
Literally the most popular job: YouTube.
Someone cutting the cheese then farted.
Someone sees the cheese, and it smelled like crap (literally). He said, "Who cut the cheese?"
NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".
SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.
WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.
I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.
Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.
Why do girls only stay in odd groups of friends?
Because they literally can't even.
In 9/11, people were dying for the pizza. But it was at the bottom, so they had to die for it literally.
Apex Legends: exists.
Titanfall fandom: (Literally on fire and at war with itself) "Everything is fine."
Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.😈
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.