Literal Jokes

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making into a house and halucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies arent real. You cant and will never get a home"

Next day they make cardboard parents so i threw that away and said "May attention to reality, you will never get parents:

Next day they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again I said "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent" The orphan responded with "Oh really?! How so" I just simply said "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat out old people!"

Hang in there you all, Literally.

my back is straighter than i am and i literally have scoliosis

It was a blast to visit the twin towers on 9/11 on exactly 8:46 a.m. it was the bomb...like literally

There was a person inside, who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid so they put in people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor, and the 94th floor, literally.

My dumb ass thinking i made a friend, oh ya i forgot literally nobody likes me!!!!

Why do they call America when literally nothing is free?

You know they say, when you get lemos make lemonade...Well i took that a little bit too literal

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

Roses are red, Violets are Violet. I mean, come on it's literally in the name!

NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian" SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl dont even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing!!! Tomorrow I am going to six flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR day!!!!!! Woohooo!!!!

Why are these jokes bad? They're literally the worst jokes ever.

If you think about it, the 9/11 memorial is literally just a scoreboard..

Man: Hey siri! Siri: Yes? Man: Im desperate, will you marry me? Siri: Uh... *phone literally explodes*

I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now

Are guys scared of the word Choppiness Because it is literally saying (chop-penis)

I have two things i wanna say: 1. when ppl swear stop taking it so fucking literally. if someone calls u a bitch, they're not calling u a female dog. if they call u a cunt, they're not calling u a woman's private part, they r calling u either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby or something along those lines. ffs 2. wtf