Literal jokes
Stephen Hawking can't walk the walk or talk the talk.
How many Joe Biden jokes are there?
None, because they're all true.
What do you call a woman who sleeps with multiple men?
A whore.
In 9/11, people were dying for the pizza. But it was at the bottom, so they had to die for it literally.
I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Bitches be like, "Read the room."
What genre is that in?
I'm Canadian, and I admit we've done some stupid things. But we've never given nuclear launch codes to a literal retard.
Why do leftists strive for a literate population?
So people can understand their wall of text memes.
What's 6 plus 7?
67.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!
Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.
I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.
Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.
I hope Betty Pears was a Buckcherry fan.
She literally died a crazy bitch.
Why do girls only stay in odd groups of friends?
Because they literally can't even.
My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.
Now we wait...
What did the rapper say when he broke his mic?
"Looks like I dropped the mic... literally!"
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".
SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.
WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.
Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.
Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"
The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."