If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”
Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.
What's the difference between limbs of babies and a dick?
I've never sucked on dicks.
Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.
After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?
IHOP
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
