Limb jokes
Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”
Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.
What's the difference between limbs of babies and a dick?
I've never sucked on dicks.
Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.
After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.