New Like Jokes - Page 111 - Worst Jokes Ever

What do you say to a depressed person?

"I like ya cut, G."

Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?

Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.

I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.

Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.

Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."

Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.

Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.

Roses are red, I like burgers on a bun.

This news: family neuters furry son.

What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?

A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.

Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.

"Just because I don't like Lewis Hamilton, doesn't make me racist."

Stephen Hawking: like a cross between Nikola Tesla and... a Tesla.

Why does Ama like boomerangs? Because they actually come back!

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.

Wife: Honey! Do you like tea?

Husband: No, I like after "T"!

It means: the letter "U": you!

All-star gay mix

Somebody once told me The world is gonna rape me The dick's the hardest part of the body She looked like she's having fun With her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" in her bumhole.

Well, I started cumming And she started cumming Fed with dick, she's in love with bumming Didn't make sense not to live for bum Your dick gets hard, but your ass gets numb.

So much to fuck, so much to suck So what's wrong with eating the asshole? You'll never know if you don't try You'll never taste if you don't lick.

Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a schlong, ass frail And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.

It's a gay place and they say it gets gayer You're licking bum now, wait 'til your a bit older But the bent boys beg to differ Judging by the hole in the homeless man's throat.

The sperm in the bath is getting pretty thin The sperms getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on cocaine, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I never get raped!

Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a willy, ass frale And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.