Lifestyle jokes
Me be straight and bored.
Goes to my local bar which has a glory hole.
Out up spending the rest of the night there.
About to leave when, motherfucker, I realize I've been sucking a guy's cock this whole time.
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People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.
Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!
What’s one thing that a gay person is scared of?
A gay guy that’s straight!
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
Memes
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
What is the favorite game of an emo?
Hangman.
What kind of bath bomb does an Emo prefer?
A toaster.
What do you call an emo with curly hair?
Sam Reid.
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
What is a group of emos called?
A funeral.
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner is wanted!
For orphans, every bag of chips is family sized.
Q: What do you call a gang of emos?
A: Suicide Squad.
I asked the emo kid if they get jealous when their phone dies.
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.