Lifestyle jokes
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...
"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"
Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.
There is going to be a wild party at the orphanage, the parents aren't home.
What do you call a gay BBQ? LGBBQ.
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
Q: What's an emo's favorite game? A: Hangman
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.
A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."
These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
Why do people eat cereal for breakfast?
Because why not.
What do you call a Hippie's Wife? A Mississippi.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.
Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?
A: A jolly rancher.