How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?
There are speedos in the microwave.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
I want diabetes so I can drink loads of Coke. - Louie Fennell 2018
Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
Yo mama's so fat, her pad is a king-size mattress.
I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk, especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.
Smoking will kill you.
Bacon will kill you.
But, smoking bacon will cure it!
Emos are so predictable: sleep, eat, cut, repeat.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
What's an emo's favorite part about being dunked?
The hangover.
What's the difference between Elton John and rapboat?
Elton is talented, rich, and openly gay. Rapboat got fuck all talent, no money, and is not out of the closet yet.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
Why did the hobo cross the road?
To get the rotten donut on the other side.
How do you fit three gay guys on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
Nah, they eat emo meals.
I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.
When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.
What do you call a horny emo who practices self-control?
An edgelord.
