Lifestyle jokes

My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...

"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"

Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.

There is going to be a wild party at the orphanage, the parents aren't home.

What do you call a gay BBQ? LGBBQ.

A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."

If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.

Why did your emo mom get you?

To have someone to hang out with.

Q: What's an emo's favorite game? A: Hangman

These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"

Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?

He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.

Why do people eat cereal for breakfast?

Because why not.

What do you call a Hippie's Wife? A Mississippi.

Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.

Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?

The adult person I asked: Cereal?

Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?

The person: Yes.

Me: WHAT?!!!??!!

Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?

Can I push your stool in for ya?

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

Your mom's so poor, she chased the garbage truck with her grocery list.

For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.