Life jokes

Are you getting tired of life? Yes? Then call 180 go fuck yourself.

It's not our problem.com That's 180 go fuck yourself it's not our problem.com

What does a knife have but not my life...

A point.

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.

I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.

Why was the orphan stupid?

Because his parents couldn't guide him.

Your hairline is so bad when you need a role model who has been having a tough life, you go to your barber.

Marry or don't marry, you will regret both!

Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?

A: He was in a mid-life crisis.

I heard life was a gift. Well, I hope they kept the receipt, because I'd like a mother-fucking refund!

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?

They wanted some family time.

An advantage of being an orphan: the teacher can't give you any homework.

Most orphans were born on the highway. It’s where most accidents [happen].

If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?

A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)

A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.

Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."

Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

What is a yellow dog Libertarian?

A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽

"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."