Life jokes
If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)
I feel bad for the people who were born on April 1.
Their life is a joke.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?
I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.
I am the orphan joke.
What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?
For me, life.
Why was the orphan stupid?
Because his parents couldn't guide him.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
His life.
You should never leave a man hanging.
Unless they are still alive.
Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!
Edna: Hey there big boy!
Big boy: You need to stop doing this.
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
Every size bag of chips is a family size for orphans.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."