Life jokes
You should never leave a man hanging.
Unless they are still alive.
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
His life.
Do you know what my favorite time of day is?
6:30, hands down.
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!
Edna: Hey there big boy!
Big boy: You need to stop doing this.
Are you getting tired of life? Yes? Then call 180 go fuck yourself.
It's not our problem.com That's 180 go fuck yourself it's not our problem.com
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.
What issues don't orphans have?
Daddy issues.
Helen threw up gang signs her whole life and didn't know.
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
What does Fortnite and real life have in common?
They both lost their tower.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
If anyone's joke here says "burn in hell," I will mimic your account for the rest of your life.
A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."