What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
Legs Jokes
The shark bit me and I feet red down my legs.
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
If you play the movie "Jaws" in reverse, it's a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
What do you call someone with no legs?
Disabled.
What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.
Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?
"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"
What does E.T. stand for? Because he has little legs.
What does S.H. stand for? He doesn't.
What does S.H. stand for? Shit happens.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Grounded beef.
Ajay's leg.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
If your blind girlfriend says you have a big cock, she's probably just pulling your leg.
Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.
Yeah, your legs.
I’m sorry, Chairy, but I don’t need four more legs.
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
