Legs

Legs jokes

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

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  • Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?

    Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!

    "Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"

    "Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."

    "I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."

    "Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

    "Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

    "Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

    "Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

    "Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

    "Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

    "Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

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  • A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."

    The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."

    What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?

    If you break a leg, you get cast.

    Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?

    Because every play has a cast.

    Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?