A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replyed: Till december
Are you guys alright ? if you answered yes then you are wrong You are all LEFT kill meh (This joke was taken from dat none funny b*tch on britains got talent)
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off - He's all right now
The IRS came to this mans house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money thats been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man though maybe I need to get a lawyer. So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down and the agent said there has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it. The man says yes I do, I'm a gambler. The agent says you gamble with that much money. He man says yes, I'll give you an example. Alright I bet you 5,000$ that I can bite my left eye. Agent says alright deal. The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agents says that not fair. The man says I'll let you get your money back or even more, I bet you 7,500$ I can bite my right eye. He agents thinking I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick so the agent says deal. The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says that's not fair. The man replies alright I have another one, your down 12,500$ I'll bet you 15,000$ if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere. The agent says that's impossible you've got a deal. The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk and the agent says I got you, he's laughing and happy that he final beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face and the agent asked what's wrong with you and the lawyer replies the man bet me 100,000$ he could piss on your desk and you'd just love it.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
there are 5 cats on a boat and 1 jumps off. how many are left?- 0 they were copy cats
Why did the legless kid think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
How many ears does Captain Picard have? -- Three: A left ear, a right ear and a final front ear.
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- Mumbai!
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
