Left jokes

Why did the legless kid think he won a race?

Because everybody already left.

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:

Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"

Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"

Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

How many ears does Captain Picard have?

Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.