my friend committed suicide yesterday...at least he went out with a bang
An apple a day keeps a doctor away....... at least if you throw it hard enough
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. "I don't understand it, Doc", she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas". "Thankfully", she added, "they are at least silent when I fart". Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled. The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
Next: Inappropriate Jokes
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamus` wife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus` wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
What's an emo person's least favorite game??? Cut The Rope.
I respect cancer more than I respect depression. At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.
An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.
On Xbox live an orphan can say they f ed your mom so you can say at least mine didnt die from it.
What's the difference between parents and depression? at least one of them leave you
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
What is Steven hawking's least favorite movie? Standing tall
What's the difference between hitler and logan paul? At least hitler had respect for the japanese!
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
My grandpa may be a pedo but at least he slows down in the school car park
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common? You were bloody and battered but at least you're dad came.
What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?
At least Hitler actually did something
My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex... I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.
What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retain some value after getting wrecked