Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
Me: I have lost it.
Random: Lost what?
Me: My will to live.
It's not rape if you're both crying.
I am disabled and I find these jokes appropriately hilarious.
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.
Friend 1: Eyyy gurl
Me: Hey! (Fake smile)
Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?
6 hours later
Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?
Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
Not Sally.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.
What is red and looks like a zebra?
My arm. Hehhehehehe UwU
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"
"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.
So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"
What joke do you tell an orphan?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not your parents.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
