Last will jokes

My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"

What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?

His teeth.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

What was the last thing that went through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.

I remember my uncle's last words:

"I don't think we're going shooting today."

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

I never forget my grandpa's last words.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.

Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.

Why are all Asians so skinny?

Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.

Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.

I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"

Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing to this day!

The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...

I bought a white Xbox to last longer, and I bought a black Xbox to run faster.