Last will jokes

Hello, I am School Shooter Memes. For the last month I made School Shooter Jokes on the site, so now I want you guys to vote for the best one. It will be in a quarterfinal format with the 8 of them being the most liked. I will link all of the polls in the comments so make sure to vote for your favourite joke.

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"

What did Ron put in his diary?

I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

What was the last thing that went through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.

I remember my uncle's last words:

"I don't think we're going shooting today."

What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?

His teeth.

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

Why are all Asians so skinny?

Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.

Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.

Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing to this day!

I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"

The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...