Last Will Jokes

Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”

At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.

On a related note, I suck at darts.

What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?

The doctor taking off his watch.

I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.

What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."

Me when I know its my last day of being a cow and I already hate my life

A close-up photo of a brown and white cow with a wide smile, standing in a grassy field against a clear blue sky.

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."

I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?

Its ass.

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?

Meals on wheels.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.

8008135 is my favorite number.

The worst ratio is 6:9.

And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.