Last Will Jokes

What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam? The doctor take off his watch

The last Words of a depressive Person are:"Yay,Freedom"

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the latter son?"

Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire

A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?' ''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about my Mom " "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit". "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife". "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class !!

''Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk```......!!!!"

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?’ ''Yes madam...My daddy told me a story about my Mom " “OK, let’s hear” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit”. “She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife”. “She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class !!

''Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher “What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?”

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk```...!!!”

I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed anyone know cpr? I said shit I know all the letters of the alphabet. Everyone laughed well except for this 1 guy

What did one butthole say to the other? I don't know WHAT got into me last night!

Last word of mayor of Hiroshima: ‘what the fuck was that noise?’

life is like a mcdonalds meal it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people

I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. last time she just let it go.

I fear my last words will be ''hold my beer and watch this.''

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?

Its ass.

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words, they wanted to hear them. They are: you still holding the ladder

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?

Meals on wheels

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”

Last time I got a piece of ass was hen my finger went through the toilet paper.

8008135 is my favorite number. The worst ratio is 6:9. And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?' Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six two.