Know jokes

Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?

They didn't because they ate it.

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?

Someone turned off flight mode.

(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?

A: His lips move.

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!

Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!

Did you know curing boredom is quite simple?

For instance, you could pretend to be an apple by tying a rope around your neck for a stem.

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

What do you call a bird with no wings?

Moas didn't even know that existed!

I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!

Do you know when the thing of you when the was is where you and if you when you where if I and you where in the thing is where yes?

Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?

He didn't know where home was.

I got in a cage fight.

The hamster didn't know what hit him!

Hey, this is to orphans:

"Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"

How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?

JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.

Do you know who Helen Keller is?

Neither did she.

Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family?

Kid: There is no "f" in "orphan."

There is no family.