Know jokes

I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.

How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?

His face was chiseled in a mountain.

You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?

Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

I love orphans, so at least they know someone loves them.

You know the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure"?

Great phrase, bad way to find out you're adopted!

Q: How do you know there’s a party at Neverland Ranch? A: All the Big Wheels are parked out front.

Q: When do you know it’s over? A: Only one is left.

Why are orphans bad at poker?

They don't know what a full house is.

Why can't orphans see all these jokes on this website that we're posting?

'Cause they don't know where the home page is.

You know, I got attacked by a man with cheese and a bit of milk.

How dairy!

Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.

He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"

I’m friends with 25 letters. I don’t know y!

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.

You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)

Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!

Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.

Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!

Sans: Yea bro.

Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"

Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?

That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.

Why did Michael Jackson die?

Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"

Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.