Kill

Kill jokes

*America shoots down balloon*

China: "You killed an innocent man!!"

USA: "What?!"

China: "Yes, he was a famous sumo wrestler."

Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.

My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.

Me: *Realizes*

  • 2

    • A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

    The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

    The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

    Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”

    Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”

    Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”

    What is the difference between Obama and Osama?

    Osama didn't kill innocent civilians with missile strikes.

    Tiktoker: I will kill anyone who pours milk before cereal.

    Depressed kid tiktok reply: *pours milk before cereal, pours cereal then takes a bite* I'll wait.

    Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"

  • 3

    • "Suicide bomber kills 44 people in Pakistan mosque." Damn, that's a crazy K/D. He must be hacking.

    Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

    John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

    Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

    John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

  • 1

    • They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.

    I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

    Jack and Jill went up the hill.

    Jack fell down, his ass was bound, and Jill continued up the hill.

    Jack came back and beat Jill's back, and he got the ultimate kill.