Kids jokes

What does Mrs. Grapes 🍇 love the most?

Raisin' kids.

Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?

They made the toys.

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

How do you find out if your kid is gay?

Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

Q: What makes depressed kids jump?

A: Bridges.

A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?

Dribble.

Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?

Because no one’s looking for them.

What do you call a group of depressed kids with guns?

The suicide squad.

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

Suicide squad.

The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.

On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

What did the downs kid get on his math test??

Drool.