Kids jokes

The depressed kid wanted a high-five from the tree, but it left him hangin'.

What does Mrs. Grapes 🍇 love the most?

Raisin' kids.

Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?

They made the toys.

Things to kids:

Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."

A Good Parent: "My baby!"

Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)

When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.

How do you find out if your kid is gay?

Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

Q: What makes depressed kids jump?

A: Bridges.

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?

Because no one’s looking for them.

Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."

What do you call a group of depressed kids with guns?

The suicide squad.

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

Suicide squad.