Kids jokes

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

how do u make a emo kid jump? a bridge.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common? Firstly, they both went from black to white, and secondly, they both get turned on by kids.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.

"This place looks scary," the kid said.

And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."

What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?

It left him hanging.

So, we all know that old kids' joke: why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9. Well, why was 10 scared? Because he was in the middle of 9 11.

It's April Fools' Day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids, "Their parents are here to pick them up."

An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?

The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.

Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.

Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.

A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.

The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special Forces.

One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"

How are orphans and blind kids similar?

They both have never seen their parents :)

Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.

He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.

Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."