Kids jokes
Kid 1: Guys, stop making 9/11 jokes. My dad died in 9/11.
Kid 2: Sorry, I didn't know.
Kid 1: He was the best fighter pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."
So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.
Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.
What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves? Hans Solo.
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?
The kids section.
What's a similarity of an orphan and a deaf kid?
They both can't hear their parents.
Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"
The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.
The kid asked him again and so on.
Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"
A man and a child walk into a forest.
The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."
The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
Why did the kid go in the guy's van?
Answer: He thought he was being adopted.