Kids jokes
You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.
What do you call an autistic kid coming to school with a gun?
Special Forces incoming!
If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.
If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.
I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.
I love working in an orphanage.
What do you call an Asian kid that is bad at math?
An orphan.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?
Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.
Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?
Orphan: About 200 years.
So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.
I’m just kidding.
A mom says to her son: "Hey, can you wave to that deaf kid over there?"
The son: "I don't know, can I?"
The mom: "May you?"
The son: "No, I don't have any arms!"
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
What do you call a kid in a hot tub?
Vegetable soup.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
Why does Sally have 100 sisters? She lives in an orphanage.
How do paedophiles greet people?
"How are you, kid?"
Can emo kids get happy meals?
Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?
He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.