Kids jokes
I saw a kid crying and I asked him, "Where are his parents?"
God, I love working at orphanages!
TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.
Father: Guns cause all these problems!
Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*
Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y
Elementary school kids: School is fun.
Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.
I like my kids like I like my lamps. Hung from the ceiling.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
What do starving kids call Venetian blinds?
Bunk beds.
An Emo kid in a tree falls. At the same time an apple falls from the same tree, what hits the ground first? The apple would be due to the kid's rope and noose.
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?
A baked potato.
Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."
What do you call a stoned kid with Down syndrome?
A baked potato.
Why can't two Asians make a white kid?
Two wrongs don't make a white.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.