Kids jokes
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?
I saw this kid on the street wearing a rag. I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
What did Osama get on his test when he was a kid? A 9/11.
Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
A kid in a wheelchair got hurt yesterday. I got detention yesterday because I told him to walk it off.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when kids get it.
Why can't orphans really play baseball?
Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.
Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"
Make a wish.
Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.
Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
What do you call a kid in a hot tub?
Vegetable soup.
I threw a lamp at a depressed kid and tried to brighten up his day.
Is it okay to call a special ed kid late to class a little tardy?
What is an Iraqi kid's favorite game?
Minesweeper.
A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."