Kids jokes

Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?

A: Wave at him.

What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.

What makes depressed kids jump?

Bridges!

Ice cream truck drivers are the most sus people on earth. They’re adults who play children’s music and give ice cream to kids who approach their van.

Why are Captain from SpongeBob and Michael Jackson so similar?

They both say, "Are you ready, kids?"

Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?

Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂

An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

Q. Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

A. Because he got hit by a truck.

Kid: Dad, where are you going?

Dad: To get milk.

TEN YEARS LATER

Kid's friend: Where's your dad?

Kid: He went to get milk but never came back.

I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!

If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would cut himself to death.

I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.

Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!

Officer: You OK, kid?

Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.

Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*

When officer leaves:

Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?

A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.

The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"

What do emo kids like to smoke?

"Marjuanakillmyself."

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.

I got sent to the principal's office after telling the kid in the wheelchair to do a wheelie.