Kids jokes
What makes depressed kids jump?
Bridges!
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Q. Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
A. Because he got hit by a truck.
Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?
The kids section.
I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes
What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?
They both shoot when they see kids.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
Kid: Dad, where are you going?
Dad: To get milk.
TEN YEARS LATER
Kid's friend: Where's your dad?
Kid: He went to get milk but never came back.
I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!
What do you call a stoned kid with Down syndrome?
A baked potato.
I met a kid at the park. He was holding a picture of his parents in his hands. They had died on 9/11.
So, I went to comfort him. I said, "Hey, I lost my grandpa on 9/11. He was great. At flying a plane."
What do you call an annoying emo kid?
A nuisance.
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.
I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
What did the man say to the deaf kid? He said...