Kids jokes

There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.

What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.

Tonight, on Top Gear!

James May dives a bus full of kids off a mountain!

Richard Hammond starts WW3 in Germany!

And I fly a plane into the World Trade Center!

What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?

Dark humor never dies!

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

Do you know why I hate pedophiles?

They are fucking immature kids!

I hope ya'll that have depression kys; you are worthless trash.

Just kidding.

What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?

Nothing, he had no friends.

Kids?

Yo mama is so old that when she was in history class as a kid, all they learned about was themselves!

Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.

Students: Damn!

Teacher: Is anyone missing?

Students: Your parents!

Yo, so poor that you wash your paper plates and cutlery in a kids' dishwasher.

I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.

I asked the orphan kid if his mom is hot. He just started crying.

When a wheelchair kid bends over, wheelchair kid goes “ohhahahhahhahahahahal!”

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?

TIMMAHHHH!

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

One is dangerous for kids if put on their face, the other one is used to carry groceries.

She responds: “See that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.”

The kid replies: “But, Mom, I’m blind!”

Mom: “Exactly.”

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...