Kids jokes

How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Well, it's not 53, 'cause my basement's still dark.

I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.

People call me a bad person, but just the other day I saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents. I love working at the orphanage.

What in the world jumps the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.

What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?

A 9mm.

Warning, this is dark.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.

When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.

I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.

Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?

What would you call a cover for your cock?

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

They're both turned on by kids.

There was a kid sitting in a corner.

Me: "Hey! Why are you here at an orphanage?"

Orphan: "..."

Me: "Oh, wait, you're an orphan."

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.