Kids jokes
What do ants and Michael Jackson have in common? They go in kids' pants.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.
Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?
Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."
Why can't two Asians have a white kid? Because two "wongs" don't make a "white."
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
I kept asking these kids where their parents are, and they started crying. I walked away laughing, thinking I love my job at an orphanage.
What do emo kids like to do in their spare time?
Hanging out.
I saw this kid sitting on the sidewalk and asked him where are his parents?
I love working at an orphanage.
Don't make fun of the emo kid, or he's gonna bring his friends and you gotta fight the Suicide Squad.
What do you call a white kid who kills another?
Russia vs Ukraine hahaha.
What do dark humor and kids with cancer have in common? They never get old.
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
The depressed kid tried to high five the tree.
But the tree left him hanging!
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What do a priest and a pedo have in common?
Nothing, they both like kids.
Dark jokes are like kids with cancer, They never get old.
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”