Kids jokes

Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

So this is how I got divorced.

On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!

Vegan Teacher the musical.

Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"

Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶

Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵

Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵

Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵

Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"

Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"

- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Students: "Meat."

Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"

Students: "Bacon."

Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"

One of the students: "Homework!"

How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.

What do ants and Michael Jackson have in common? They go in kids' pants.

What number is better; 46 or 47?

I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.

Why can't two Asians have a white kid? Because two "wongs" don't make a "white."

Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?

Because she loves raisin' kids.

Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?

Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."

What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

Nothing, they both like kids.

I saw this kid sitting on the sidewalk and asked him where are his parents?

I love working at an orphanage.

I kept asking these kids where their parents are, and they started crying. I walked away laughing, thinking I love my job at an orphanage.

What do dark humor and kids with cancer have in common? They never get old.

Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?

A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏

What do emo kids like to do in their spare time?

Hanging out.

What do you call a white kid who kills another?

Russia vs Ukraine hahaha.