Kids jokes

Day

  • One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

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  • Ass

  • There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"

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  • Cereal

  • Tiktoker: I will kill anyone who pours milk before cereal.

    Depressed kid tiktok reply: *pours milk before cereal, pours cereal then takes a bite* I'll wait.

    Orphanage

  • Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.

    Arse

  • My arse hole hurts like no joke, man. I just had to tell that your heads a peanut, you fucking nonce, kid, you fat fuck sack, your mum you dirty cow!

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  • School shooting

  • So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”

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  • Emo kid

  • How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

    Magazine

  • Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

    The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

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  • Zoo

  • I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

    They never got together at all.

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  • Cousin

  • My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"

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