Kids jokes

My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.

I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?

One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

The suicide squad.

What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.

I saw this kid on the street wearing a rag. I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

How do Asians name their kids?

They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)

You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?

Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)

Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?

Because they're the ones who made the toys.

I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."

What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?

Kids turn them on.

When you're the only one bullying the weird kid and you're absent on the day he shoots up the school. ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"