Kids jokes

I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."

Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?

Because they're the ones who made the toys.

Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)

What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?

Kids turn them on.

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

When you're the only one bullying the weird kid and you're absent on the day he shoots up the school. ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.

Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher. What?

Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.

Teacher. Why water?

Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.

Where do Down syndrome kids go shopping downtown?

Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?

Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.