Kids jokes

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

A depressed kid tried to give a tree a high-five, but the tree left him hanging.

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

What do apples and depressed kids have in common?

They both hang on trees.

I got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging.

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Wanna go ride a bike?

Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.

What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?

Kids ride for free.

Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??

I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.

I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.

It never gets old.

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?

None, because they all cry in the dark.

The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five.

It left him hanging.

Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."

Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."

Classroom: *visible panic*