Kids jokes
What's harder than steel? Joe Biden at a playground.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
A depressed kid tried to give a tree a high-five, but the tree left him hanging.
What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?
Sum ting wong.
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
I got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging.
What do apples and depressed kids have in common?
They both hang on trees.
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...
"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
What do you call a gang of emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.
What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids ride for free.
Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??
what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?
steamed vegetables.
I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.
I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.