Kids jokes

Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?

Because they make the toys.

Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.

The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”

What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.

Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!

Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"

Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."

Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."

How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Well, it's not 53, 'cause my basement's still dark.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special Forces.

A Down syndrome kid asks for an ice cream. The man asks, "Do you want sauce on it?"

The kid says, "It doesn’t matter, I’m going to drop it anyway!" 😂😂😂

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.

A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.

The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"

When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.

Why did the kid drop his ice cream?

He got hit by a bus.

What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?

Sum ting wong.

I gave a blind kid a pistol and said it was a hairdryer.

My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."

How did Fortnite record their henchman sounds?

They asked a bunch of kids with Down syndrome to film a documentary.

What's harder than steel? Joe Biden at a playground.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

A depressed kid tried to give a tree a high-five, but the tree left him hanging.