Kids jokes
Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
What's the autistic kid's favorite song? Yours.
What does a middle aged man live in?
A retarded kid he keeps in the van.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.
So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”
What did they do with his body when he died?
They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
A kid had school today.
He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)
What fell first, the emo kid or the leaf? The leaf, 'cause the emo kid just hung.
What hit the ground first, a feather or the emo kid?
The feather, because the emo kid was left hanging.
I asked the emo kid how it was hanging. He didn't reply because the rope was too tight.
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?
"There's a great singer inside of you."
I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
If the dyslexic man wanted to adopt a kid, then how could he sign the papers?
What do you call a school bus with 30 kids?
A killstreak.
What do emo kids like to smoke?
"Marjuanakillmyself."
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.