Kids jokes

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?

A human chandelier.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.

The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special Forces.

Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"

Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."

Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."

Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!

How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Well, it's not 53, 'cause my basement's still dark.

A Down syndrome kid asks for an ice cream. The man asks, "Do you want sauce on it?"

The kid says, "It doesn’t matter, I’m going to drop it anyway!" 😂😂😂

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.

A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.

The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"

When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.

What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?

Concentration camp.

What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?

Sum ting wong.

Why did the kid drop his ice cream?

He got hit by a bus.

I gave a blind kid a pistol and said it was a hairdryer.

My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."

My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"

How did Fortnite record their henchman sounds?

They asked a bunch of kids with Down syndrome to film a documentary.

What's harder than steel? Joe Biden at a playground.