Kids jokes

Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?

Answer: He was left hanging.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of kids.

What tree is every emo kid trying to find?

The hanging tree.

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

Q: What's yellow and floats?

A: A bus full of children.

Ever wondered why my gay kids don't play basketball? Because they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop.

What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.

What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?

The Mikey Jackson club.

How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?

M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N

New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.

Students: Damn.

Teacher: Is anyone missing?

Students: Your parents!

What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?

Coach.

What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

Nobody:

Michael Jackson: giving kids a free cream pie.

Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!

A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.

What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.

What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.

How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?

One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.

...just kidding-

- none. They can't change anything.

Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.

How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"

- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.