Kids jokes

Why do blind kids like plane crashes?

Because you can’t dislike what you have never seen.

Kid singing “abcd.”

Person says, “No, no, it’s obcd.”

I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!

Friend: Hi.

Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

Friend: Me?

Me: Damn, no, not you.

Friend: Then who?

Me: The orphan kid.

I guess we're the same.

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.

The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.

What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river?

Moses hits the adoption lottery!

I threw a kid in a wheelchair into a fire... I called him hot wheels.

What did one emo kid say to the other? "Nice cuts, G!" (because they like to cut themselves).

I gave an emo kid money.

He gave me the great depression.

What falls first, an apple or an Emo kid?

An apple, because the Emo has a rope holding them.

What happened when the emo kid gave the tree a high five? It left him hanging.

Met the emo kid today; he was pretty chill; he was just hanging out.

What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?

What do you call a group of emo kids? Suicide squad.

I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.

He never came back the next day, says the local news.

What did one emo kid say to the other? "Nice guts, G!"

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.