Kids jokes
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
Why did the kid go in the guy's van?
Answer: He thought he was being adopted.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
I was in bio when my teacher asked what would happen if all predators were gone in an ecosystem.
The kid in the back raised his hand and said, "So what IS gonna happen to you?"
How do you think they found out cows produce milk?
Two kids having fun in the barn.
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.
Why do some kids have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Answer: Special forces.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their parents.
When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!
Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"
Why do dead babies cry? Just kidding, they are dead.
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
A: You give them a Sandy Hook.
Your kid's so ugly he would make a Happy Meal cry.