Kids jokes

What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?

Call them retarded.

What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?

They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"

I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?

Power off his chair.

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.

In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.

What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Kids turn them on.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of kids drowning.

An adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid approaches him. He says the emo kid, "Do you have rope?"

"No," replies the adopted kid.

"Dang it! I hate you," says the emo kid. "Now the adopted one is angry. Well, at least I'm loved," says the adopted kid.

If you know an emo kid, please stay away. The depression is contagious. I'm a survivor.

Like if you dislike emos.

What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?

They are not for kids.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"

What did the blind deaf kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?

They both are hanging.

What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?

What did the kid say to the toilet?

"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"

What did they do with his body when he died?

They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.

I can't imagine him moaning with the kids, "Hi, uh, ya daddy, uh HEE!"

Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?

Because he sexually kids 😂

What's the difference Michael Jackson and a play station have in common...

They're both plastic and kids turn them on.