Kids jokes

What is the difference between a normal kid and an orphan?

A normal kid has a family.

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Why can’t Santa have kids?

He only cums once a year.

What did the dad say to the kid?

Nothing, he went to get the milk.

The emo kid went for a high five. People say he's still hanging.

Why do emo kids wear hoodies?

They hang easier.

What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Kids turn them on.

What do kids call a balanced meal?

A hamburger in each hand! XD XD XD XD

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?

Power off his chair.

Me: Stops the quiet kid from getting bullied.

Him: Don't come to school tomorrow, trust me.

Me: "/"

I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?

They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of kids drowning.

An adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid approaches him. He says the emo kid, "Do you have rope?"

"No," replies the adopted kid.

"Dang it! I hate you," says the emo kid. "Now the adopted one is angry. Well, at least I'm loved," says the adopted kid.

If you know an emo kid, please stay away. The depression is contagious. I'm a survivor.

Like if you dislike emos.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"

What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?

What did the kid say to the toilet?

"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"

What did they do with his body when he died?

They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.