Kids jokes

Using Pi, distract that fat kid next to you and copy his answers.

What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids won't eat the broccoli.

Why are gay men better than straight women?

Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.

A kid asks Trump:

Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"

Trump: "There they are, bud!"

I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.

(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”

No? Shame, it was real fun.

What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?

They can’t see their parents.

Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?

It died before them.

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?

"Are you ready kids?"

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.