Kids jokes
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
Kid 1: "It's a bird!"
Kid 2: "It's a plane!"
Me: "It's a terrorist!"
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."
lol
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?
One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
Why did the disabled kid cross the road?
(Why?)
He can't.
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.
Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!
Why do emo kids hate high fives?
They’re always left hanging.
I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.
If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.
If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would hang himself to death.