Kids jokes

What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?

A hypoteNUSE!

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just like hanging in the dark.

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.

POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

Kid: Which were me, are your parents?

Orphan: What are parents?

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?

One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.

When a wheelchair kid bends over, wheelchair kid goes “ohhahahhahhahahahahal!”

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.