Kids jokes

Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.

Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.

Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.

Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?

So there’s more for the priest.

I saw a kid crying yesterday, and I asked him, "Where are your parents?" Then he started crying harder.

What do you call a white kid at the back of class?

A school shooter.

Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.

What’s a depressed kid’s favorite game? Hangman.

I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.

They said: "Because I lost my parents."

I said: "Let's find them."

They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.

I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.

Did you hear about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree? It left him hanging.

How do you name a Chinese kid?

Throw a frying pan on their head, "Ching Chong!"

Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?

Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.

One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"

A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.

What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?

A grape chilli bean.

Why do women buy clothes from the kids section? Because rapists prey on the weak.

What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.

What’s the difference between a kid with cancer and a dark humor joke?

They never get old.

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

He got ran over by a bus.

Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

So he could get into high school.