Kids jokes

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

Kid: I want to be Batman.

Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.

Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?

They both got a 10% survival rate...

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-

The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!

What can jump higher than a basketball player?

An emo kid, they never touch the ground.

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.

What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?

"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"

I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.

One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."

"Shut up, Brick!"

What do you call 1 normal kid and 2 retarded kids smoking weed?

Pot roast.

Me: What's yellow and can't swim?

My sister: What??

Me: A school bus filled with kids.

Kid: Where do I put this paper?

Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.

Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*

Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?

Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.

Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*

Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.

Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!

Kid: Yes, you told me to!

Teacher: I meant at school!

Kid: Ohhhhhh!

Teacher: Duh!

Funny jokes are like kids with autism.

They have special needs to make them.

A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."