Kids jokes
Parents are like food—not all kids get them.
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.
Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.
What happens when a depressed kid try’s to high-five a tree?
The tree leaves them hanging.
What’s an emo kid's favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!
How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?
It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
What’s Helen Keller’s favorite game as a kid?
I spy.
I don't see why people say that emo kids don't like to hang out.
I've seen them hanging all day.
I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
I asked the emo kid if they get jealous when their phone dies.
I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"