Kids jokes
"I met a girl and she's 28."
"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."
- AJR
What's yellow and can't swim but screams when it goes under?
A school bus full of kids.
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"
One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."
A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"
"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!
What do you call a bunch of bi-racial, retarded kids? Mixed vegetables.
I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.
Me: "What are you doing??"
Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"
Me: "I don't know."
Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"
Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"
Don't bully kids.
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
All of you idiots who think that it is ok to laugh about us foster kids need to be shot.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?
What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids ride for free.
Knock knock. Who's there? Colin! Colin who? Colonisation!
Just kidding, colonisers don't knock before they come in.
Who make hard candy for the kids?
Solve.
How did Fortnite record their henchman sounds?
They asked a bunch of kids with Down syndrome to film a documentary.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.