Kids jokes
What’s an emo kid's favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!
How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?
It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.
Parents are like food—not all kids get them.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.
What happens when a depressed kid try’s to high-five a tree?
The tree leaves them hanging.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."
In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.
Kid: I want to be Batman.
Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"