Kids jokes

What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?

Kids turn them on.

I spat on a blind kid and told him it was raining.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."

Kid: Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Kid: Not your parents.

What do you call a bunch of depressed kids with AK47s?

Suicide squad. 😂😂😂

When a stranger keeps telling kids to kill themselves AKA the Stigg.

If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?

There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:

"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."

Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"

The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"

What happened when the depressed kid went to give it a high five?

It left him hanging.

A guy in a white helmet telling kids to kill themselves.

I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."

Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.

Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.

Why do trees never call emo kids? Because they always hang up on them.

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.

What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?

"I don’t have a mama."

One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."

"Shut up, Brick!"

Why did the emo kid like the all black Oreos?

'Cause they're dark.

This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.