Kid jokes
If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.
White 40 year olds love little white kids, and so does Trump! The biggest hands to touch the kids and his daughter!
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."
Why can’t Santa have kids?
He only cums once a year.
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
Teacher: What do you want when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
Pro tip kids, you CAN hit an orphan because they can't cry to their parents!
Which one fell first, the Emo Kid or the apple?
The apple, because the rope caught the kid.
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.
A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"
The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.
They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
What famous book writer for kids loved insects?
Beatrix Potter.
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
What do autistic kids and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms.