Kid jokes
I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
Why don’t orphans and Chinese kids play baseball. The orphans can’t find home and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.
What do you call 1 normal kid and 2 retarded kids smoking weed?
Pot roast.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"
So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"
The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"
Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?
The Parkland kids.
A kid walks into the classroom on time.
How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?
He can't run, just hug the bomb.
Why do kids have school every day? So that they can learn.
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
What did the kids say hi to? A slide.
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.