Keep Jokes

My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.

Yeah, I keep telling everyone 9/11 jokes but they all just crash and burn.

Your mum is so stupid she tried to take the crown off a Keep Calm And Carry On poster so that she could become the new queen of England

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up. The grandmother says: Hey, jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad! Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks jantje to help her stand up. Jantje anwsers: No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad.

So some ants in a colony go to war. they want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants. they start barging into home's to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home and the lady-ant goes "Hey. why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants reply with "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house"

What do you call a school bus driver that keeps going to sleep? A monster

So I was f**king my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier. The looks on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.

When medical crew arrives he denies them saying "God will surely save me."

The medical team tries to help him but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.

Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"

God answered, "B**** I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"

Kenya, if you keep smiling then you will become a positive bitchy! Tenya, everyone hates you why I have no idea! Kenya stop smiling and start dying! Tenya, why are you so mean! Kenya, stop acting like a mantrapp! Tenya, stop being a bitch in a skirt! Please leave a comment good or bad! cusswords whatever!

Why does former president Donald J. Trump still want the Mexican government to help him to build a wall to keep them out because he is a christain nationalist on steroids

Why do some people keep posting lame jokes about 9/11?

Answer; Because they are STUPID LOSERS!

How do you fuck a sheep? But your dick in it and face it off the cliff edge, it'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.

ok heres a story about the church the there was 2 parents, then they have a baby, then they go to the church and the baby was getting a cross on his fore head guess he was big headed, sorry if this offends anyone or make this joke bad since i keep writing this

Q: Why did China take over Tibet? A: Because they were china exploit foreign resources and keep it for themselves like bitch ass jerks. btw these are real facts despite the CCP ́s propagandist narratives #FreeTibet #FreeHongKong #FreeInnerMongolia #FreeUyghers

What do you call a rapper who can't keep a beat?

A RAPPER-TAP-TAP

What's the similarity between your money and your life?

It just keeps going down

You keep your quality beans for the right season till you realize that you planted them on the infertile land.

🤣😁😁🤣🤣🤣

a man sees a girl crying and asks her whats wrong the girl replied everyone keeps making fun of me. you should tell your parents i replied back the girl started crying even more thats when i got confused and left the orphanage