Keep jokes
What do you call a rapper who can't keep a beat?
A RAPPER-TAP-TAP!
How does a rapper keep their money safe?
In a RAP VAULT.
It's amazing how BLESSEDBRIAN manages to keep his head in the clouds while his FEET are FIRMLY PLANTED in mediocrity.
What keeps an emo kid from hitting the ground?
The rope.
Why do we name hurricanes?
To keep an eye on them.
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.
How do you keep a Biden supporter in suspense?
...
Why don't we keep the balls rolling?
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.
Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.
Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?
He was not worth keeping.
Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.
Hitla: That's exactly what I said.