Keep jokes
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.
No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.
Roses are red,
I am dead.
You could call me wet, or I will keep your dread.
What keeps an emo kid from hitting the ground?
The rope.
Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?
If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.
Why is the sun so mean? Because it keeps ROASTING everyone!
I AM SFLUGO FOUNDER OF THE PRO ORPHAN JOKE CLUB. Just want to say that people spamming does nothing and we will keep making our jokes!! #SaveOrphanJokes and please say in the comments if you want to join the club.
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?
Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.
What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?
Cot death.
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.
What do Donald Trump and a dick have in common?
Liberals can't keep either one out of their mouths.
My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job.
I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.
(Male fantasy)
Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.
What did the fish say to the other fish when it got hooked?
"That's what you get for not keeping your mouth shut."
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.
Why did Justin Bieber start playing hide and seek with his fans?
Because they keepped.