Keep jokes

Roses are red,

I am dead.

You could call me wet, or I will keep your dread.

What's the difference between you and me?

I have a plan for this new year.

So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.

Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?

Why is the sun so mean? Because it keeps ROASTING everyone!

If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.

I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.

It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!

When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

POV: You keep having auditory hallucinations and fully believe your house is haunted because you never went and got diagnosed for schizophrenia.

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.

Why did Justin Bieber start playing hide and seek with his fans?

Because they keepped.

I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.

Why don't we keep the balls rolling?

How do you keep a Biden supporter in suspense?

...

Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.

Me: They're certainly not wrong.

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.

When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.

Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.

Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.

Hitla: That's exactly what I said.