Keep jokes

Make a wish.

Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.

Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!

A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...

"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"

Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."

"Oh, right. How's it going?"

"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."

"Wow! What about NATO?"

"They haven't turned up yet."

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

I’ll never forget the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying.

Elementary school kids: School is fun.

Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.

Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.

Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?

What's the difference between you and me?

I have a plan for this new year.

So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.

No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.

Roses are red,

I am dead.

You could call me wet, or I will keep your dread.

Why is the sun so mean? Because it keeps ROASTING everyone!

Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?

If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.

I AM SFLUGO FOUNDER OF THE PRO ORPHAN JOKE CLUB. Just want to say that people spamming does nothing and we will keep making our jokes!! #SaveOrphanJokes and please say in the comments if you want to join the club.

Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?

Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

What does Michael Joseph Jackson say to adults when he sees them?

Keep away from me-hee-hee.

Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?

Because they just keep getting harder and harder!

What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?

They both like keeping one sock for themselves.

Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!

Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!

Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.