Keep jokes
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
I’ll never forget the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying.
Elementary school kids: School is fun.
Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.
Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.
This keeps getting better have a GREAT DAY
Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?
What do you call a rapper who can't keep a beat?
A RAPPER-TAP-TAP!
How does a rapper keep their money safe?
In a RAP VAULT.
What does Michael Joseph Jackson say to adults when he sees them?
Keep away from me-hee-hee.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?
They both like keeping one sock for themselves.
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
It's amazing how BLESSEDBRIAN manages to keep his head in the clouds while his FEET are FIRMLY PLANTED in mediocrity.
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!
Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!
Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.
What keeps an emo kid from hitting the ground?
The rope.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.
No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.
Roses are red,
I am dead.
You could call me wet, or I will keep your dread.
Why is the sun so mean? Because it keeps ROASTING everyone!
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.