It's amazing how BLESSEDBRIAN manages to keep his head in the clouds while his FEET are FIRMLY PLANTED in mediocrity.
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
Why is the sun so mean? Because it keeps ROASTING everyone!
Roses are red,
I am dead.
You could call me wet, or I will keep your dread.
Why do we name hurricanes?
To keep an eye on them.
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
I AM SFLUGO FOUNDER OF THE PRO ORPHAN JOKE CLUB. Just want to say that people spamming does nothing and we will keep making our jokes!! #SaveOrphanJokes and please say in the comments if you want to join the club.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?
They both like keeping one sock for themselves.
Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!
Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.
If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.
Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.
No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.
Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.
