Joke jokes

What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.

How do you rape a girl?

By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!

Fat jokes and mom jokes😂

1. So fat when she sat on the toilet, she said, "A B C D E F G, get your fat ass off me."

2. So fat, your dad and her were in bed and tried to kiss. He’d have to slap her belly and ride the third wave up.

3. Yo mama so fat that when she went to Japan in a green bikini, they all started yelling, "Godzilla, Godzilla."

4. Your mama’s so fat when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

5. Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale, it said "to be continued."

6. Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

Why did Sally drown in the pool?

She had no arms, remember.

What is it called when a gay guy punches someone?

Fruit punch.

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?

Well, I just can't seem to put it down.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No-eye-deer (no idea).

Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?

Answer: European (You're-a-peein')

My life, there, that was the joke.

Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously, just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.

Have you ever met a knight with a metanite at night?

Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.

I was in Russia at a stand-up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin, but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice, though.

I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.

Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

Post your jokes in the comments below!

What do you call a Muslim in America being pursued by a perv?

Alien vs. Predator.

I never understood school shooting jokes.

I guess they were aimed at younger audiences.

My cousin called me ugly.

Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.