Joke jokes
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
Why was 911 annoyed at the pizza guy?
Because they ordered meat lovers, but they got plane.
What goes up but never comes down?
Water in Australia.
What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?
Why is the Nazi Anthem banned in Germany? Because Horst Wessel lied.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
What do you call a broken chicken?
A broken chicken.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
If an orphan were to get a takeaway, what’s the home address?
What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
One does not crow when you put it in an oven.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Where did Sally go during the attack?
Everywhere.
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
Did you hear that Uranus is cracked?
What was I saying again?