Joke jokes
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"
What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?
Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because I unplugged his life support to charge my phone.
Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.
What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush?
Up Shepherd's leg.
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
I wondered why the pitcher hadn’t pitched the ball yet.
Then it hit me.
What’s white and crunchy and swings through trees?
A meringue-atang.
When do eggs hatch?
At the CRACK of dawn!
What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?
Love at first byte! <3
Why didn’t Steven Hawking go to heaven? Because it was a stairway, not a rampway.
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he broke his leg?
Hospital or Currys PC World?
Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu. You get what you deserve!
A man with a mullet walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "The party's in the back!"